Mommy Me Tyme Blog

Hey friends, I’m back!! I know, I know… it's been a minute since we’ve last talked. If I am being completely honest I’ve just been very inconsistent with my blog and other things that I once was very consistent at doing. But all in all I'm back and I have a question for you… Are you living or existing? For a little over a year now I have been a single mom and with that comes a lot of ups and downs. I found myself feeling sad, betrayed, and ashamed. Sticking to routines and trying to make sure that I was everything for my children while still trying to have time for myself. I found myself overcompensating for things that I felt they lacked because our family dynamic wasn’t the “traditional” family. Of course I carved out times throughout the day that I considered my me time and yes I still have those set times I realized it wasn't enough. As I reflected on how things were going and compared them to the life I wanted I realized I was only existing on this Earth and not living. I decided it was time to change that and start living. Let me be very clear, I made a conscious decision to start living in a way that benefited me and my kids! It was time for me to embrace the grace that God had given me and grasp the blessings he was providing me. So while I have been away there are a few things that have been accomplished along the way. For starters, I earned a promotion!!!! I have been at my with my current company for a little over a year and they have already given me a leadership position :) I’ve started working out at least 2 days a week, most weeks I get an extra day in. Since my kids were born I have continuously said I was going to workout and always found the excuse that I had no one to watch them. In addition to working out, I’ve been traveling. I never knew how I could financially travel and be a present parent at the same time.But like the old people say, where there is a will there's a way. I’ve been to Hawaii, Washington D.C., and Detroit. Now of course the girl’s trip was a blast, I am most proud of the trip with my kids. As many of you know, I’ve been fighting the anxiety bug when it comes to taking the kids places by myself. Well guess what… I did it! We took a weekend trip to the beach and BAAABY we had a time! We explored museums, playgrounds, dolphin tours, brunch, and more. So yes I have been a little inconsistent with my content and yes I have been MIA from the website but it was with all great intentions! I have been living! I want to encourage you to identify the life you want and find a way to live it! Do not spend a lot of time existing and following through with other people's plans that you forget about your own assignment! Follow me on IG @mommymetyme to keep up with me to see how the remainder of the year goes! Also check out 5 Ways to Save Money to see how I can afford to travel and still pay the bills.

Hey Girl, You did it! You made it! Oh how I know that this year has not been the ideal year you planned for it to be. You endured some tough days and some even tougher nights. You’ve dealt with betrayal, dishonesty, and insecurities that could've and probably should've taken you out. You cried tears and screamed more than anyone could imagine. You’ve consoled yourself and pulled yourself out of some dark places. You’ve felt more alone than you would have liked to. Even though you feel like this year was terrible, girl it wasn't. Let me tell you why. YOU GOT YOU BACK! Through all the disappointments you’ve identified how much strength you have. You have identified the things that make you jump for joy and the things/people that you will no longer tolerate. You found your time with God and strengthened your relationship with him. You have gained your power back! You have been able to adapt to your new role as a single mom seamlessly. You have learned to put yourself first and realized that you can't take care of anyone until you take care of yourself! You have been featured on three different podcasts. You’ve elevated your career. Yes I know you lost some things but the things you gained have been far more beneficial. I guess the saying is true, you can’t take everybody with you. I strongly believe God has taken you on a journey to declutter your life and identify the people and tasks that you should be focused on. I’m not sure you realize this but, God ordained this year! He has prepared you for a greater 2023. So continue to love, provide positivity, and joy. And don’t you forget God is faithful and consistent. ——— Remember this—for yourself and anyone who is reading—what makes you a warrior is not how many battles you win, but how you carry the weight of good and evil. Even if there are times where you just have to put that baggage down for a moment to recollect yourself, you are STILL a mighty warrior. Your blessings and victory will come to you. I leave you with this bible verse. Psalms 46:10: He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. Stay tuned to see what 2023 has for me! Follow me on instagram @mommymetyme

Grieving is Part of the Process How many times have you made plans for your life for them to only go as far as you writing them on the paper? How often do you have expectations for the way life should go only for it to go the complete opposite? Have you ever felt that you were being betrayed by the people you would do anything for? When you feel like the weight on your shoulders is far more heavier than others’? Is it fair to say that these unexpected events are times when you want to throw in the towel and give up? During this time you experience loss of what you thought would happen, which turns into grief. This year alone has been packed with so much grief that at one time my eyes remained in a swollen state because of all the tears I had shed. During this time I have asked all the same questions you are probably asking yourself, why me, what now, what did I do to deserve this. In my opinion those are the typical questions of grief. I want you to know that grief is natural and it is supposed to happen. You aren’t supposed to lose something or someone and not feel anything. The problem is when we stay in grief and begin to let our feelings dictate the promises of God. In the book of John 16, Jesus is preparing his disciples for what is about to come, spoiler alert… is death. He explains to them how they are going to feel in comparison to the world but in the end the light will shine and joy will be found for them all. You don't believe me, read it for yourself. 20 Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. 21 A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. 22 So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy John 16:20-22 Told you! Jesus made it clear that there will be times when we are grieving and the people around us are shouting over the blessing that they are receiving. But you are also warned that through pain comes JOY! So go ahead and cry for a little while but don’t stop working and praying because you WILL receive a breakthrough that only God can prepare you for. Are you grieving something and want someone to pray on your behalf? Or would you like to share an experience where you were grieving and God placed his hand on the problem and gave you more than you could imagine? Send me an email, I would love to hear from you and connect. Also go follow my instagram @mommymetyme for motivation and tips.

The Frustration of Being A Single Mother When you think of motherhood, you think of the things that come naturally–feeding them, getting up in the middle of the night, bathing them, and making sure they have everything for school. But what about motherhood as a single woman? What happens to all those things that seemed easier with two parents? You see when you part ways from the father, they think that paying a little daycare here and there is a remedy for everything. They’re not there when it’s the middle of the night and the kids can’t sleep, and they don’t take off work when one (or both) of the kids are sick. What about when you want that break? You know, like a day to yourself to unwind. They throw the “I’m busy” or ask “why?”. They just don’t ever seem to understand. My children are the best thing to happen to me and I will always make sure that they are taken care of, but why is it all on my shoulders? Why does it seem like I am holding the weight of the world alone? The thing about being a single mom that people don’t want to acknowledge is the drain it puts on you mentally. You’re constantly going full gear and having to do everything on time by yourself. You cook, you clean, you bathe them, put them in bed, and then you wonder “can I relax now?” or “do I have time for myself?” Before you can even answer your own questions, the cycle repeats itself and that’s what fathers don’t see. Lord don’t even get me started on how everyone looking from the outside thinks they know just how good of a parent you are or how “bad” of a parent you are because of social media. I’m not posting about my kids every day or posting every time I wipe a tear because dammit that’s MY job as THEIR mom, not all you nitpicking, nosy people’s mom. Here’s the thing though, the moment a dad posts pictures with their child and they're hugging up all on them, showing them love—everyone falls to their knees, praising them for being a good father. As a mother, you’re expected to sacrifice everything and figure out all the problems as soon as possible, but dads—sometimes they just refuse to try hard enough to fix the issue and just push it aside. A mom is built to figure things out, make sh*t happen, and to make sure her kids are happy and successful. Dads aren't held to that same standard. They're allowed to only visit every blue moon and give the least amount of effort. Society has rules and expectations for moms, but where are these rules and expectations for dads? How can you sit outside the house and act as if you have no responsibility for the kids WE created? Like you don’t have as much responsibility as me? It makes no damn sense. But you see, that’s the world we (unfortunately) live in. There’s this nagging question in me: “do i continue to beat a dead horse–keep poking and prying–or do I just say f*ck it and go on?” You’re viewed as a superhero–superman, but what about me? Where’s my handclap? My praise? I don’t get any because guess what? What I do is EXPECTED of me. You are held to a lower standard because most men don’t see the difficulties of being a single parent. DAMN THAT! Those standards are low as shit. All you’re expected to do is the bare minimum and here you go receiving a trophy and high five. God forbid, I do the bare minimum because then I’m a deadbeat mom. Why do I have to post everything I do with my kids to earn acceptance? Memories I create for MY kids is just that, memories FOR US and not the world. Let me be very clear, if you are measuring how much somebody is taking care of their child based on what they put on social media, you need to get a new measuring tool because that ain’t it! These are some of the reasons why I am frustrated as a single mom. So, the next time you question a single mom or her love for her children, make sure you know that she is dealing with frustration and putting in countless sacrifices, blood, sweat, and tears for those children. Check out 5 life hacks on how to gain me time or 4 Ways to Maintain Your Sanity for some ways to help you relax and find daily peace.

Essential Rest For the Everyday Woman We live in a fast past society. Full of the opinions of family, neighbors, friends, and even strangers. Essentially this generation believes that sleep is for the weak and for those who do not want much out of life. Honey! Let me tell you something, rest is essential. Why should all of our time be spent on doing a million different things, but everything is only getting 10% of me because I am drained and exhausted? We do not expect our phones, computers, or cars to run off of 1% battery life, so why do you think you can? In order to be there for anyone else, you have to avoid exhaustion and burned out. Personally, I would feel guilty for wanting to rest when there was so much that could have been doing. And then I read this “Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy because on it he RESTED from all the work of creating that he had done.” Genesis 2:3 If God needed rest how do you think we can make it without it? We can’t! I constantly made excuses why I stayed up so late or why I was so irritable. Lack of sleep makes you irritable! Your patients are thin and your emotions are all over the place. You begin to take your frustration out on everybody around you, including the ones you love the most. When you are tired everyone around you suffers. It is impossible to give the very best when you aren’t 100%. So do yourself and everyone around you a favor and get the ESSENTIAL REST you deserve! If you need help with ways to find time to rest check out 5 life hacks on how to gain me time or if you want to find simple things you can do other than sleep read 5 Daily me time ideas that provide relaxation and peace

Setting Boundaries Are Important If you have ever been shopping on a busy holiday or the infamous Black Friday, you know that many stores have ropes showing where the line begins. Why? They have to set the boundary for each individual that wants to purchase something. Could you imagine what the store would look like if those boundaries were not there? What about driving down the road? How do you know which lane is yours or when it is appropriate to pass another vehicle? Those yellow and white lines dictate where you should drive and when you are allowed to invade another lane. Does even the road have boundaries? Shouldn’t we?  Why are we so available to everyone, all the time, every day? For what reason do we allow people to come into our lane whenever they want to? No matter how we feel, we give everyone the ability to access us. We feel obligated to make sure everyone is happy and that we are there to listen to everyone’s problems while neglecting the most important person, OURSELVES . Girl, Stop It! Set some boundaries for yourself and those around you. Don’t answer your phone today, it is fine. It is okay to not feel like responding to a text message right now. Do not feel guilty about taking a nap. Why shouldn’t you be allowed to turn your phone on do not disturb for a couple of hours and read a book or watch your favorite show? It is important to recharge and refocus on yourself. Do not let anyone guilt trip you into believing that you are selfish for needing a moment alone. In the beginning, it may be hard for people to understand because you have always come when they wanted you to. But if they love you and truly value you they will understand that isn’t anything personal. You have to show up for yourself before you can fully benefit someone else. Setting boundaries are important. Let those around you know that you are unavailable today and that you will contact them when you are whole again. Check out some of my other related posts Where to find your peace when life gets chaotic , 4 Ways to Maintain Your Sanity , and 5 Daily me-time ideas that provide relaxation and peace .

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This is my message to mommy guilt: I do every damn thing I can to make sure my kids are happy. I get up at 5 am every morning and I don’t have to be at work until 8:30. I make sure their laundry is done, I make sure they have food to eat, I make sure they have things ready for daycare, I make sure they learn the things they need to learn, I make sure they smile, I make sure they go outside. I do those things because I am a DAMN GOOD MOMMY! Nobody makes me do those things. Nobody makes me get up in the morning, I choose to do those things. So on those days, I’m tired, that’s okay because guess what my kids are still taken care of. My kids don’t know the hard things I go through, and they shouldn’t, but guess what they’re still smiling because they still have their mommy and that’s all that matters to them. On the days I feel like I could be doing so much more, I pick them up with smiles on their faces and guess what they give me, a sunflower that they picked from a garden. It makes all the trials and tribulations I face so much better, worth every moment, every sleepless night, every extra step I’ve put in because I’m their mommy. So mommy guilt you don’t get to make me feel bad any longer because I know I am doing a damn good job. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I put in the work to make sure my children are taken care of. So now it is time to put you to shame. It is time for me to tell you to go to hell! You don’t get to tell me what I should and shouldn’t be doing. You don’t get to tell me what I should be worried about because I have enough worries without your help. So take a backseat and watch me be the damn good mother that I already am. And I don’t need anyone else to applaud me for what I do because I know I do them very well. Could I make some changes? Do I need to grow in some areas? Of course, I do, I am human. But for the position I am in right now, for the role that I am playing right now, for the odds that are stacked against me right now, I feel like I am doing a damn good job. So going forward mommy guilt, you don’t get to stay with me much longer because I know that I’m doing great and I know that my kids are taken care of and that is all that matters. Goodbye! If you missed my previous thoughts about mommy guilt, head over to the blog tab and read A Mother’s Guilt. Also, follow me on Instagram @mommymetyme and Pinterest .